last week I finished a great book that Kyle gave me for Mother’s Day. It has nothing to do with motherhood – it was a novel set in China in the 1900’s about a missionary couple. The author based much of the book on the lives of her grandparents, who were also missionaries to China in that time period. When I reached the last two pages, I was totally blown away by how much I related to the main character’s feelings about the will of God and his life.
I went through this realization about 6 years ago when I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do next – where God wanted me or what my purpose was at the time. But I WANTED to follow God and I trusted that He had given me a brain and I could choose to do something that was perfectly good and right and He would reveal His will as I went along this path of life.
I was also completely undone (maybe pregnancy hormones came into play, I don’t know) by the last phrase of the last big paragraph – where he says how much God loves him. I needed that reminder because I tend to be very, very hard on myself and not rest in His unending and beautiful love for me.
Anyway – maybe it will bless you too. Happy Wednesday!
I pray that throughout the day God’s will, not mine, be done, whatever that may mean. When I was younger, I thought it meant traveling a road that was straight and confining and predictable, something to be done correctly, like finding my way through a maze where only one path is right.
I thought following that path would always feel true and safe and virtuous and that it would give me a surefooted, foolproof sense about life. This narrow thinking was mine, not His; I no longer believe it.
WHen I am in God’s will, sometimes i do feel comfortable and at ease, but I just as often feel anxious and unsettled, for He often leads me into unfamiliar waters. I do not let these feelings guide me. Over time I have come to believe that God’s will is a mystery, fluid and surprising. Following is like stepping out into something I cannot see, and am frequently unsure about whether I am doing God’s will until after the fact.
But I have learned that while I don’t always know when I’m doing something right, I always know when I am doing something wrong, and I rely on this as I go forward, trusting that He will use my mistakes as well as my triumphs and knowing that He does not ask me to be perfect, or even good. He simply asks me to be His, which to me is the heart of His Good News: that I am deeply and passionately loved exactly as I am, despite the faults that grieve me most, by a God who delights in me more than I can know.
With the gift of renewed certainty when I awake each morning, I rise to meet the day and to praise my dear Lord, and to finish my course with joy.