I think, therefore i blog

I have a bad habit of blogging too late at night. And on weekends. I guess my brain and heart are full and I feel the need
to share, particularly now. so I can sleep.

Today I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships that used to be. People I once was close to and shared my hopes and dreams with…friends I thought would be around for life, or at least most if it.

Then time passes, and you or they enter a new stage of life or you remain behind while they soldier on to the next adventure. The phone calls get further apart. Your interaction and social lives diverge. Life goes on. You drift away.

On the other hand, there is one or sometimes a few, if you’re a lucky one like me, that are like the sisters your parents never gave birth to. Through the ebb and flow of life, they are constant. you figure out how you relate under new life experiences and stick like Gorilla Glue, no matter how many miles separate.

I’m in a place right now that feels like friend limbo. The sister-friends aside, I feel a little adrift.

One of my besties will be leaving MN sometime this year. I’m married, a couple friends aren’t. I have a kiddo now, and some friends don’t or some have more than one. I’m still getting to know the women in our new (and wonderful!) church and small group. I live a lot further north than 75% of the women I know at MOMS and through other social connections.

I’m not whining. I just need some relational ballast.

I can’t really figure out what I’m so nostalgic about regarding the friends that have slid out of my embrace, but I miss them.

I struggle inwardly to make new connections, even though I appear extroverted. My deep self both yearns and loathes vulnerability in a dissonant chord.

My only remedy for this weird sort of friendship purgatory is to invite people over, to put myself out there and hope that the other person might crave female companionship as much as I do.

Friendships take time, but darn it all, time seems to take friendships. Ah, there it is again, the bittersweetness of life.